


deep end

by gemini_hyuck



Category: Stray Kids (Band), bang chan - Fandom, chan - Fandom, chris bang - Fandom, christopher bang - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Insecure Bang Chan, Insomniac Bang Chan, Multi, Sad Bang Chan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:20:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27297052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemini_hyuck/pseuds/gemini_hyuck
Summary: in which chan believed he'd never be enough.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Reader, Bang Chan/Stray Kids Ensemble
Kudos: 19





	deep end

hate comment after hate comment. that was all i saw as i scrolled through the comment section on chan’s vlive. i frowned as i watched more and more hate pop up. why couldn’t they just leave him alone?

‘no matter how hard you work you’ll always be a failure.’

‘just give up you won’t amount to anything anyways.’

‘your group is stronger without you.’

‘you’ll never be good enough for them.’

‘your songs and lyrics are terrible just stop.’

‘do them all a favor and kill yourself.’

i watched as chan’s beautiful smiled slowly slide off his face as he focused on the comments and i grew angry. he didn’t deserve this. not in the least. chan was so hard working and so talented. he put so much effort into his work and it really paid off. he created amazing songs for his group. i watched until he said goodbye and ended the vlive then walked to his studio room and knocked gently on the door. i heard a few sniffles then footsteps and the door slowly creaked open. chan forced a smile onto his face as he opened the door wider to let me in.

“don’t do that. not for me.” i murmured as i pulled him into a hug. i felt tears begin to wet my shoulder and my own began to well up in my eyes.

“maybe they’re right. maybe stray kids would be better off without me. maybe if i wasn’t here-”

“i do not want to hear another negative word out of your mouth.” i said firmly cutting him off. “bang chan you are the leader of a group of teenagers and young adults and you manage to keep them in line without losing your patience. who else has the mental strength to deal with them? you stay up til ridiculous hours of the morning to produce songs for them and you do it without any help at all. you never complain and you always take care of the members before yourself. and guess what chan? they love you. they love you so much. and they need you. no offense to them but they’d fall apart without you.” he stared at me with tearing eyes. “please channie. don’t try to shut us out. don’t shut me out.”

“i’m slipping y/n. please help me i’m slipping off the edge and i can’t catch myself. please. i don’t want to fall into the deep end. please help me. i don’t want to fail anymore. i just want to be enough.” he was begging, pleading me to help him to stop him from falling into the deep end, into his depression and i felt my heart tear in half. his body shook as he sobbed into my shoulder, all the emotions he had pushed back now surfacing as he allowed himself to finally, finally, feel.

“come out of your head chan. you are enough for me and for the boys. you are enough for the company and especially for the fans. we are here to support you and we love you so very much. and the fans do too. and you have not failed. you create masterpieces and you perform them beautifully. you’ve raised those boys to be the very best they can be and they look up to you. you inspire them channie.” i felt him nod into me and start to take deep breaths. i gave him a few more seconds then pulled back enough to see his face. his eyes were a bit red and puffy from crying but there was now a small smile on his face. a real one. i sighed in relief and moved to wipe his cheeks. i smiled sadly at him as i held his face in my hands and he placed his hands over mine. 

“i love you. so much. you keep me sane.” i placed a soft kiss on his lips then pulled back again.

“i love you too. so much. and i will always be here to pull you back from that edge. and os will the boys.” as iff on cue the door to his studio burst open and the boys tumbled in. some were crying others had tears in their eyes. 

“hyung we could never do this without you.” “yeah we’d be so lost if you left us!” “and who would write all our songs?” “and who would keep us in check?” “and who would help us when we can’t figure something out?” “we need you hyung!” “we all need you!” “we love you hyung!”all speaking at once, talking over each other they began to protest against their eldest brother’s negative thoughts. overwhelmed by all the sudden attention we failed to notice a ninth presence in the door way. i heard a light chuckle and turned around slowly. upon spotting the figure in the doorway i gasped lightly and tapped chan’s shoulder as tears made their appearance once again. chan’s own eyes filled with tears again as he walked over to greet their brother. without wasting a second woojin pulled chan into a hug, pulling a muffled sob from the younger as he hugged his best friend. woojin gripped the back of his neck and pulled him back to look him in the eye.

“i was on my way here to visit when i noticed the comments on your vlive. none of those things are true channie. being a leader is hard and people will always be jealous of your success. this jealously will bring them to try and tear you down, bring you to their level but you cannot give them the satisfaction chan you can’t. you have not failed, not in your career, not with these boys, and certainly not with the fans. you are more than enough for us chan. and maybe not everyone believes that but the ones who do are the ones who truly matter.” chan nodded slowly then took a deep breath and nodded again more confidently this time. 

“hyung look!” we all turned to han who had pulled up the live stream again. despite the fact that it was no longer going on there were still new comments streaming in. 

“i don’t want to read anymore jisung.” chan said a slight frown on his face. 

“no no no they’re nothing like that anymore i promise.” felix moved to stand behind him and read some over his shoulder.

“ ‘bang chan is the most talented producer in kpop you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about saying his songs are bad.’ ” seungmin walked over to join him reading another comment.

“ ‘ honestly he’s so caring with the other members they’re really like fmaily to each other.’ ” the others joined in reading comments as they came in.

‘lol imagine thinking that chan isn’t the most multi-talented idol ever.’ ‘seriously i don’t think you guys even know what you’re saying his songs are amazing and he doesn’t even have any help writing them!’ ‘we stan a talented KING!’ ‘all these negative comments need to stop he’s perfect just the way he is and there is no one better suited to lead stray kids not even JYP himself.’ they looked up at chan who now had a big smile on his face. woojin rested a hand on his shoulder as he smiled at his younger brother.

“you see? wherever there are negative comments the positive ones rise up to meet them. they support you chan. and we do too. you’re not slipping into the deep end. you’re here, safe, with us. and here you’ll stay.”

“and here i’ll stay.”


End file.
